J-Film #4 - 'Semi-pro'

I am in an angry mood lately and i shall not say G'evenang to you, i shall just say "why the holy fucktarded chicken licking savage do Americans pronounce semi, Sem-I, seriously are they that broken in the head that as well as itching to nuke every oil wielding country this hemisphere, they have to spell wrong and mutilate the language in which my glorious reviews are written in!?!?!"

With that out of the way however, I can now actually review something, and that something is, namely, 'Semeeeeee-pro'. Now as my Fingers caress the keyboard with inhuman grace only developed through eons of shooting head-crabs, and i spell almost every word wrong, a question is in my head and that question my loyal simpletons is "What is the nature of a comedy? What is its purpose? and What does it need to make it effective?" and now i shall answer those three questions respectively.

The nature of a comedy is to make fun of occurrences everyday or otherwise, its purpose is to use this 'piss-taking' to make people laugh; and after all laughing is a form of entertainment. Thus a genre is born, so, i know what you are thinking, oh well any laymen who only had 15 GCSE's an A level in philosophy and a masters in ponciness from Oxford with a sandwich working in Harvard's Gay wing could work that out and you would be right. You see, the problem arises with the third question, here you have to take into account myriad genres, how they function and what aspects they use to brand them as entertainment, and ultimately art. Thus Effectively you are asking the first two questions for every possible genre and sub-genre just to work out the answer to the third question. I also know what you are thinking at this point "Oh dear, thats far too poncey for me, ill just pretend I understand"

So after several hard minutes of my Fagmosexual brain whirring and a complete second without taking the piss out of Clover field, I now have the answer, but be warned its not a short one. You see Every film needs a story, and every joke within a comedy needs a context that can be easily and quickly applied to it, in other words the bear eating the commissioner of the NBA needs to make sense. Okay, so a comedy needs a story to make it funny, what does it also need? Relativity, thats an easy one, if you cant relate to the joke and if it means nothing to you it's not funny, do i need to explain that further? Good. One more thing is essential however and is the most important thing EVER; even when A joke has a basis in story, is relative to your experiences and knowledge, it still needs to be Funny. I will not go any further on this, as I am now 519 words in and haven't discussed the film at all, but I will point out, at this point you need to work out what funny actually means, anyways on with the J-film.

Where the above ponceyness fits in with the actual film, is thats its a comedy and yes I do realize I could have told you that in one sentence but i thought i would confuse you first.

First of all this Will Ferrel comedy is not as good as 'Talledaga (fuck the spelling) nights' but is the typical light hearted comedy, with a straight forward plot consisting of Team needs to win big game, team wins big game elements, which are averagely orchestrated with an average cast of actors, excluding Will Ferrel, who I rather like.

The film is fun, full of basket balls and has a brilliant LOL moment involving a bear, but it just simply cannot compete with the 'running over the race car finish line in slow motion moment' in 'TD' there isn't much more to say really, its enjoyably funny, th acting is slightly sub par the effects are rather lovely, the story is average, 'meh' its all right. But it is fair to say, when I'm the editor to 'Art Gay Monthly' in a big pink building with 'PONCE' scribbled over the door in a supposedly artistic manner, this film will not be in my top 10. On another final note, i would also like to express the fact that if you wanted to know how good the film actually was you could skip down to the rundown, but i wasn't about to tell you that at the beginning was I?

Next time I shall be reviewing 'Diary of the Dead' (I mean if they let me into Rambo ill have no trouble with this) and that should be, how do you say? "FUCKING AWESOME YOU CUNT"


Rundown -

Shooting: 7

Characterization: 4

Soundtrack: 5

Plot: 5

Effects: 8

Variable field dependent on context and genre - Bear wrestling: 9

Overall J-score: 5.5/10 J-FILM MEH SEE

If there is anything you would like little Johnny to know or would like to subscribe to my mass mailing alert service do not hesitate to email me at Johnny.neicho@sky.com

*as you could probably tell I'm feeling in a particularly Poncarrogant (yay i invented an adjective!) mood