New Iron Man Trailer

So we get an extra day this month, this being a leap year and all. To celebrate we get a new Iron Man Trailer to watch. Woooo!

First, let us get the pessimism out of the way. Superhero movies have consistently let me down. Take X3, amazing trailer with a disappointing final product. Last summer let me down. Look at Spiderman 3, amazing potential with a disappointing final product. There are so many ways in which this could go wrong. The first Act could suck, for almost all origin stories do. The Final act could suck, because almost all final fights are anticlimactic. The middle could suck, due to a vagueness of baddies and motive. The direction could suck, the acting could suck, the special effects could suck. This could fail in so many ways.

Now for the hope. The idea of Iron man is awesome. The most important feature of a superhero is their heroics. Think what you will of Superman, is I was about to die, I believe that he could, and would, save me. A certain level of ability needs to be reached. The second most important feature is fragility. A hero needs to have problems, some moral choice or reason behind their actions. This is why Spiderman 2 was so brilliant, it was about Peter Parker. Robert Downey Junior can pull this off. If he can be unstoppable and troubled, then this film should be brilliant.

Secondly - have you seen how awesome that suit looks! It flies! I believe it flies! It has rockets that come out of his forearms! If they can pull this off, then it will be amazing!

Here is the link I used to see the trailer - http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=22092

This is a great trailer. I want to see this film, and it is coming very soon - May 2nd. I. Cannot. Wait.

me dancing, one for the scrap book

J-Film #3 - 'Rambo'

Well, hello guys, before I start digging into the lovely meat of the film I would like to commend Javaguy on such a witty piece of satirical literature, Everything he says about me is true, he indeed knows me very well, so congratulations Java, very, very well done. With that out the way time for 'Rambo'.

'Rambo' is a gory film, in-fact it borders on genocide and the kill rate could be compared to the holocaust and this makes it highly unsuitable for children, wimps and people who don't like people being shot, also it has allot of murder, torture and rape with the added bonus of footage of real Burmese atrocities. so, lovely you are thinking sarcastically and you would probably be thinking right, DO NOT SEE THIS IF THE IDEA OF RAMBO DEALING VERY STRICT REVENGE ON SAVAGES, WITH THEIR SAVAGERY BEING DEPICTED IN DETAIL. On the other hand, if like me, you are a sick demented bastard who likes to watch chavs be stabbed in the kidneys repeatedly while screaming in in-human agony, this my friend, is the film for you.

The story is basic Rambo, set in Burma and thats about it, the most important thing about this film has been its superior action. The first thing worth pointing out on this front, would be that of the ballistics and the way they blow stuff apart. Now, i was fortunate enough to have an ex-soldier sitting next to me in the cinema, who upon the first scene was amazed at just how realistic bullet sounds, effects and wounds were, and this is an actual quote "Wow, I'm gonna start ducking in a minute!" 'Nuff said.

Now, don't get me wrong the very idea of Rambo is corny, but this film has NO cheesy lines that make you grimace and the few breaks in the action take nothing away from this short but tense piece of art, the pace is fast visually eloquent and elegant, and the visceral adrenaline rush you feel as yet another cardboard cut out rapist is blown to pieces with a 50. cal machine gun, is nothing but truly awe inspiring and when i say blown to pieces i mean blown to pieces. assorted anatomical components fly thick and furiously in this utterly amazing chunk of brilliant cinema, the music blares out as AK47's churn out slug after slug and a barrette 50. cal blows Burmese soldiers 50 feet down the road and there really is nothing to fault, seriously, this is like Yahtzee's review of portal, this is a mute review, 'Rambo' is good, very, very good.

The structure is wonderful as well, The Burmese are built up so evilly it's in-human AND THIS JUST EXACERBATES YOU INSATIABLE BLOOD-LUST, YOU WANT THESE PEOPLE KILLED SO BADLY YOU ARE WILLING TO DISMEMBER GHANDI TO GET JUSTICE!!!! Sorry i shouldn't have go t so pumped there, my legs are still shaking from the adrenaline thats how good this film really is, shame there was only two flamethrowers though...

If you can be bothered to look however there are small American allegories popping up everywhere, but i didn't eve notice till my hate fulled Dad pointed them out, so, the best way to think of the film upon entering is a 90 minute chunk of American action and the American's are great and just appreciate this superb rage filled adventure for what it is; and thats why this small negative paragraph is stuck right on the bottom, it is insignificant, to a very great degree. see this film NOW.

Rundown -

Shooting: 8

Characterization: 9

Soundtrack: 7

Plot: 7

Effects: 10

Variable field dependent on context and genre - YES, YES KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER NOW!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEES! - 10

Overall J-score: 9/10 J-FILM MUST SEE

If there is anything you would like little Johnny to know or would like to subscribe to my mass mailing alert service do not hesitate to email me at Johnny.neicho@sky.com

A J-Film review. No, that’s JAVA FILM :D

The other day I watched a film. I quite liked it and so am going to review it now, just like jsnuk. Actually, that's a lie because this film is a PROPER FILM. It doesn't have any clever subtexts. It contains no metaphors. It is, in other words, what films should be like. It's also in black and white. Not because the director wanted to explore a complex issue that could only be realized in black and white but because its old and in the olden days colour hadn't been invented. I therefore won't be reviewing it like Jsnuk because I won't devote several paragraphs to exploring any complex figurative elements.

I now realise that I'm a paragraph in and still haven't actually mentioned the film's name. Grudgingly I shall now do so: The film is called 'The Wrong Arm of The Law', made in 1961 starring Peter Sellers. It's a comedy caper film very much in the style of The Italian Job. Being made in the 60s its innocent stuff, with the crooks apologizing profusely to the police when they accidentally hit them. It's certainly a far cry from the chavs of today and it did make me a little sad, seeing how innocent times were in the 1960s. Of course it's hardly a representation of the crime around then, some of which was awful, but still.

The star of the film, as I said, is Peter Sellers, a renowned comic and rightly so. Famous for playing Inspector Clouseau in The Pink Panther he steals the show here, showing off his mastery of accents. The film has many other actors but I can't be bothered to write about them. They were alright.

I don't really know what to write about next, not wanting to go all Jsnuk on you all and start telling the story so I shall put this thing out of its misery. It isn't really an amazing film, clearly aimed at a family audience and perhaps a little limited because of this, relying mainly on slapstick humour. Still, it's fun, and that's all that matters, isn't it. ISN'T IT, JSNUK?

I shall give the film a rating of 8, as it had an Aston Martin DB5 in it, which I liked.

If you have anything you'd like little java to know then you can sod right off, he doesn't like being referred to as little.

Why I hate delays...

Valve are taking their time. Left 4 dead is not coming until Spetember-ish. I had so been hoping for a spring release, but that seems not to be. I understand there is no hurry, and I understand they want to make it perfect, for L4D is coming with an entire new steam feature, but I hate knowing that I am going to have to wait, when I have already been waiting for a very long time...

Team Fortress 2 is also progressing slowly. Badlands arrived, and this makes me happy. However, the map I am really waiting for is Goldrush. This is an entirely new game style, not just another Control Point map. Every day I start up steam expectantly... and every day my soul dies a little. I am a patient guy; I waited for Heroes to come to BBC so I could watch it in widescreen without adverts, but when they are this close, it is painful.

I also can't wait for a new "Meet the..." video. Hopefully one is immintent....

And it is not only Valve who give me pain. Blizzard are just as bad. I am not a WoW guy, but since my PC is kinda old now, I am excited to the max by Starcraft 2. This is predicted to come out late summer, but Blizzard alway take their time, so I am already expecting major delays.

And the final kick in the teeth.. the Star Trek movie has been pushed from it's Christmas 2008 release to May 2009.

The upside, I have no doubt in my mind that all of these will be the better for their delayed releases. They will all be awesome. Just not yet....

Javaserver festivities!

How did you spend your birthday last year? With some relatives? The odd friend? Well, this year Hotdog Man spent his birthday with 20 other Javaserver players, and we had a bit of a party, courtesy of tf_birthday 1

an MP3 of us all "singing" Happy Birthday is coming soon, but for now we can remember the day with pictures :)

Picture

Are games art?

The debate about games and art has gone on for a few years now, with gamers arguing that they are and directors arguing they are not. Over the past few days I've considered this subject myself and have come to a fairly simple conclusion.

If I was to give the names of a few comedy films- Bruce Almighty, Rat Race, Airplane, to name but a few, I'd be scorned by movie directors everywhere. Their mocking laughter would echo round the walls of their Georgian mansions. If, however, I was to mention The Godfather, Amilie and Atonement these same directors would nod their heads, grunt their acknowledgement and let me taste their 1852 claret.

So why is this? Why is one group of films considered to be more artistic than the other? The simple answer is their purpose. When you go into the cinema to watch Bruce Almighty you go there for entertainment. When you go to watch The Brief Encounter you don't enjoy yourself per se, you go for the experience, to be taken on an intellectual journey, to explore emotions that you wouldn't feel if it were not for empathy with the characters that the film develops.

Put simply: For me the key factor that differentiates between an arty film and a trashy film is whether you watch the film for the experience or for the entertainment. For example you don't "enjoy" a sad film. You watch it to be affected by it.

Using this criterion for games, for me, solves the "are games art?" question. If I played a game for the experience, to be told a story, because I had an emotional attachment for the characters then it truly is art. If I played a game solely for its mechanics then it is not:

Art

Max Payne 1/2

GTA San Andreas (I got really involved in the story, yet many people didn't)

Oblivion (side quests, not the main story)

Mafia (I felt really quite choked up on occasions)

Not art

Everything else

Obviously this list is only valid for me. Whether you played a game for the experience is personal to you. Maybe you only played oblivion because you liked killing trolls. Maybe you found the Half Life 2 storyline engaged you.

Another interesting thing is that, for me at least, the number of non artistic games far outweighs the number of artistic ones. I think this is due to the history of gaming. Until very recently computers haven't had the power to tell a story convincingly. Gaming first developed purely for entertainment with titles Frogger, Space Invaders and Doom having no narrative whatsoever. To some extent game designers are still stuck in this era, as are the film directors so quick to criticize gaming. Is this a bad thing? I think not. I love nothing more than losing myself in a match of UT3 or TF2. These games certainly aren't art in the traditional sense, but what they lose in that they make up for in being fun to play, UT3 is pure escapism in a way that Max Payne is not.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts. You may have a different opinion. I've made a very simple distinction between what is and isn't art in this article but at the end of the day it's up to you what is and isn't art. It's a very personal thing, and something that will no doubt cause debate far into the future.