Saturday, March 29, 2008

J-Film #9 - 'Drillbit Taylor'

There’s a lot of difference between a mediocre family comedy and a good family comedy, on one hand you have a great deal of inoffensive content, that was not designed to offend or amuse anyone, on the other hand you have slightly less in-offensive comedy, with some genuinely funny moments. This is What Drillbit Taylor is, however its not strictly family comedy, as its co-created by that geeza who made ‘knocked-up’ and ‘super bad’ and the elements he provides are clearly visible and even though its not nearly as offensive (or, funny really) as ‘Super Bad’ the characters are of the same breed and a lot of the subtler comedy is very much akin to the two great comedies mentioned above.

“So, basically, you’re saying it’s Super Bad for people of the younger persuasion, then Professor Neicho?” I hear you scream at me from your assorted places of residence (notice I didn’t insult you this time.) However you would be slightly misguided in this assumption, while it’s clearly go the aforementioned influences to its comedy and very nature, apart from the obvious family orientated feel, there’s some subtle differences.

You can’t quite put your finger on it at first, but it will soon begin to dawn on you. There are two things that the other co-creator brings - both of which I could have done without to be honest – firstly, over-Americanization (lets play count the times they say “HURRAH”) and secondly, and ordered story, un-like ‘super bad’ and ‘knocked up’ the story-line is pretty much easy to guess, you know whereabouts its going to end, how its going to start and what’s going to happened in-between.

Although, there is a debate about this, some may argue, as it is aimed at a younger audience, they need the familiarity of a more ordered comedy, where they know when the laughs are coming and are not surprised, scientist’s have proved (taking for granted the universe exists of course) that children react better to familiarity. Thus, however, us adolescents (the intelligent ones, at least) or adults, require more surprises to bring humour to the fore-front of our emotional pallet.

This aside however , the film is really quite funny, nothing special, nothing un-expected but very fun, with general laugh worthy moments throughout, although its not the best comedy you will ever see, nor is it the worst. You will enjoy watching this film, whether with your kids (pffffffff hahaha) or with your wife (OMGWTFLOL) or your dad (just right) this is a strong piece of modern comedy cinema, and if you have money to burn, are bored or have a Cineworld unlimited card, you wont want to miss ‘Drillbit Taylor’ especially in such a poor fortnight for films.

And now for something completely different. Just a notice, that I have permission from the Mighty Java to host a weekly J-film quiz, and although there wont be one this week as unfortunately I have to go on holiday with my family, you can all look forward to it when I get back, whereupon after the first one a date shall be decided upon which they shall more regularly be held. The quiz will be aimed at very iconic movies and modern films so don’t worry about any ‘J-ponce’ exclusive films from the 1670’s!

Next issue I shall most probably be reviewing, oh I don’t know, the Cineworld site is still royally fucked, so it looks like ‘Funny Games’ which seems set to be a delightful, Horire (Horror Satire) and is another 18, so don’t say I don’t do anything for you guys.

Rundown -

Shooting: 7

Characterization: 7

Soundtrack: 6

Plot: 7

Effects: 4

Variable field dependent on context and genre - Similarity to Super Bad: 4

Overall J-score: 6.5/10

If there is anything you would like little Johnny to know do not hesitate to email me at Johnny.neicho@sky.com (Still No E-mails, dammit!)



Stargate SG-1: The Ark of Truth

Sorry this review is a few days late. I have been working on it, wanting to get it just right. As such, I hope you like it, and agree with me. I also hope, like all good reviewers, I have, somewhere, delivered a point that you would not have seen otherwise. Please leave any comments below; they make my day, even if they are just to say hi.

I love Stargate. It is not perfect, I will admit. It is prone to errors in judgement, and often suffers from bad episodes. Nonetheless, ever since the revamp, with the new Ori storyline, and the new characters, things have been very good.

For those who don’t know, Stargate SG-1 was good, not so great, great, crap, and then brilliant, more-or-less in that order, over 10 seasons and 214 episodes. It's time on TV over, even with a successful spin-off Atlantis, the makers of Stargate had still not finished their story, and they decided that their best plan was to create a dvd-movie to finish this off, and so this new incarnation revolves around that crusade in the name of evil gods that we were in the middle of when the TV show ended. This was shown, as a two-hour special on Sky One, this Easter just past. It is know as:

Stargate SG-1: The Ark of Truth.

Of course, in true SG-1 style, this is all about our heroes chasing a McGuffin with which to save the world, here by convincing all the followers of the false gods the Ori, that they are indeed false gods, and their crusade against all unbelievers is immoral. This is the titular “Ark” that will show them “Truth”. As it is, this is a great plotline, which does of course develop with many twists and turns. It is also problematic, because it alienates new viewers by being very much the conclusion to a story that some of us will be very familiar with, more so than others. If you have not watched SG-1 before, while this is a good showcase of what Stargate is, but I would recommend starting elsewhere, for much of it will not make sense. If you have been watching SG-1, this is the story that you have been waiting for.

This is because this is awesome, a true finale to the Ori plotline. It keeps a large amount of the humour that typifies the show, with self referential nods and jokes at science fiction staples, whilst keeping many of the things that have run throughout the show intact. The effects work is top notch, but not overused, and the tension builds in junction with the dual plots, which are well interwoven, timed and acted, especially because the relationships between the characters are brilliant. They fact that I have been waiting for this for so long does not hinder the end product, it fulfils everything that you could want the finale to do. It ties up the loose ends without closing the book entirely, or destroying many of the themes that are part of SG-1 lore, as many series finales tend to do, with Buffy and Serenity springing immediately to mind as key culprits.

The fact that there are bad points does not detract from the overall awesomeness of the entertainment, and they all draw from one point. Stargate is much better at creating plotlines, and setting up events than it is at finishing them off. The best episodes of Stargate always end as a set up something that will come later, or are entirely unrelated to the grander plot. Episodes that are finales, in every sense of the word, are always underplaying their potential; it is imposable for them not to. That is why the series did not tie up the loose ends, because that it not what Stargate is best at. The set up, the drama, is best before the end, and as such this is not a movie I would rewatch again and again. Once I have seen it once I am happy.

Importantly, the inclusion of the IOA and their plan is a masterstroke of a decision, which those who have seen this will understand, for it is amazing, even if it breaks SG-cannon slightly, it still works, and it really does make the film, even if it does slightly marginalise the huge crusade that is destroying our galaxy.

But there are some problems. Firstly, the extra money seems to have been given straight to the cameramen, who have spent all their time panning around characters, wobbly-cam at the ready, zooming in on every face in a very overdone style. Secondly, because this film cannot realise all of its enormous potential, some of the set-pieces are sacrificed.

An example, which is a spoiler, but one that does not matter in the slightest, a massive evil fleet approaches Earth. Instead of a huge-battle-where-Earth-fights-aggressors-and-is-saved-at-the-last-moment, the film leaves this alone, and focuses elsewhere. This set-piece is not realised, and this is repeated as the same for many other scenes. There is no time for the slower moments when everything conversation must either start “remember the time when…” and serve as exposition, or “our only hope is to…” and ramp up the tension. This cannot live up to expectations because it has to do so much. And yet, it still does. It matched my expectations, it is a magnificent finale, exactly what the series, and the fans, deserve.

The fact that this is a movie, that it comes over a year after the series ended and has to tie up all the loose ends, is problematic. It means that, not only do we need closure on a long-standing issue, but we need to be reminded of what that issue was. Who characters are, what they have done, why they need to be stopped or helped, an audience needs to be reminded of this, and only then can the answer be given. This is a very time consuming process, which does at some points drag away the tension.

Most of all, there is one problem with Stargate which always comes to mind, and may be more of a criticism in general than a particular fault of this film. It is especially apparent after watching Battlestar Galactica. SG-1 always approach a big issue, a controversial one, that has no “correct” moral answer, but instead of challenging our perceptions, as in BSG, they back away hurriedly and avoid the issue like the bubonic plague. For example, here it is the nature of religion, which they avoid, and the nature of fanatical interpretation of sacred texts, which they also avoid. I also find it morally questionable that they have, in the previous season, wiped out an entire race of beings, in if they are evil false gods, with another McGuffin, in an act of genocide, and seem quite proud of their actions. Fine, they saved humanity by doing so, but I would like it if a few of the characters approached the issue head on, and tackled it as it should be. Naturally, if you didn’t spot any of this, it if because it is only alluded to. I understand the reasons the writers avoid these debates, of how they could corrupt the tone of the piece, but it annoying the way in which they always pull away from, what I feel, could be the most interesting of punches, and the hollow feeling it leaves some aspects of the show.

To conclude, this is a brilliant movie of Stargate. The tension is high, without compromising the characters and their interactions with each other. This is exactly what I had hoped for, even if it does suffer from the long-standing problems that Stargate has always suffered from, and that concluding a long story is always hard. This cannot be as fulfilling as when the writers are developing a story to be finished later, but this is still a brilliant finish to the Ori plot, it does everything you could want of it, and does it well. However, I do not know how much enjoyment anyone who is not a full Stargate fan will be able to gain from this. I love Stargate, and was paying attention to all that happened in the last two years. If you didn’t watch those, chances are you will be left feeling unconnected to the plotline here, as more time is spent of reminding the audience of what is past than of developing the characters, something unnecessary for a full television series, but that may have been appreciated by new-comers to the move.

Bring on Continuum, the second film due in early summer, a more self-contained movie, a time-travelling adventure featuring Jack O’Neil!

If Ark of Truth is just the first example, it bodes very well for things to come.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Stargate Review Tommorow!

Just finished writing the Stargate SG-1: Ark of Truth review.

I want to proof read it in the moring, to ensure that I was not talking crap, and then it will be online.

This is my first, real review. I am exited. Are you?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

J-Film #8 - 'Love in the Time of Cholera'

Theres allot to be covered in this issue of J-film. This films is rather nice as it happens and thus as you can probably tell by the title is a love film, which to be good of-course requires it also be deep and thought provoking. Well, here I am required to say in-fact this is not a petty chick-flick about love - as i have already shown by calling it deep and thought provoking - It carries some brilliant and subtle under and over-tones about life and happiness , where-as it becomes apparent the title is slightly mis-leading, the letters o and v should be neatly replaced with i and f. But then you have the even more obtrusively misleading title 'Life in the Time of Cholera' To competently title this film you would have to remove the last 5 words.

The film effortlessly implements the above plots and deep intricacies in a wonderful manner, and is complemented by an amazing cast, lead by the constantly extraordinary Javier Bardem, who, as ever develops the plot into something heart-felt and genuine. As he interacts with the rest of the cast upon the backdrop of a heart-warming and (to say it again) deep story, magic is made. So, very positive, but why was no-one else in the screen with us, admiring this piece of art? The answer, they were all watching 'Meet the Spartans', truly a reflection of the overly bureaucratic and capitalist time and place in which we live, highly publicized and highly crap is the way modern, stupid and ignorant society likes it. However instead of attempting in vain to fix this, I shall attempt to bring more of the film to light to you, who hopefully, will appreciate my efforts.

'Love in the Time of Cholera' uses no overdone or special film effects, and instead attempts to bring the story and the brilliant acting to the fore, and shows everything necessary and well done in the best of lights, along with the easily forgettable but effective shooting, come Shakira, yes, thats right, she performs brilliant and original music which super-imposes upon the the multiple layers of shining brilliance, and forms the most perfect and warming sheet of MDF ever, oh dear I'm good.

Of course, no film (accept 'The cottage') is perfect and as I have been criticized for having too positive reviews I will endeavor to bring to light some of its bad points; firstly: it is drawn out to an unknown, but possibly infinitely long run time (I didn't check the time, as in my hurry to get to the cinema, I forgot to take my phone, watch or underwear) The points, which were undoubtedly good, could have been put into a more rounded, shorter film, whereupon they would be easier to digest. Secondly there are some slight continuity errors involving the change of actors with age, which are hardly worth going into to; and on a tertiary note, this is not a film for the sort of people that would be sitting in the cinemas at [miscellaneous time] in the morning watching Spartans laugh at Britney Spears. However if you truly appreciate the modern art from that is Cinema then this film is for you, shame about the absence of Flamethrowers though...

Join me and my surpassing and godlike wit next issue whereupon I shall be reviewing, if not 'Meet the Spartans' (just to wonder at its crapiness)... a film, yeah I'm not sure as the Cineworld website is fucking me about and pretending to be hard like Quentin Tarantino (not that his films are bad, mind you, oh God please don't sue me.)

Rundown -

Shooting: 7

Characterization: 9

Soundtrack: 9

Plot: 8

Effects: 7

Variable field dependent on context and genre - not being a chick-flick: 10

Overall J-score: 7.5/10

If there is anything you would like little Johnny to know do not hesitate to email me at Johnny.neicho@sky.com (I'm, serious, why does nobody ever want to talk to me!?)

Monday, March 24, 2008

Stargate Tonight!

Happy Easter all?

Snowing in London, odd for march. Chocolate makes me feel sick. I bought Superbad on DVD and plan to watch it tonight. But that is not what excites me the most...

Stargate SG-1: The Ark of Truth is on Sky One tonight. Finally, the conclusion to the Ori plotline that I have been waiting over a year for. I cannot wait! Review imminent! Woooooooooooooot!

Friday, March 21, 2008

HL2: Ep2 - The End...

(Limited Spoilers and Speculation)

Turns out that after that bit with those striders and those hunters, and the magnusson devices, that was the last bit of shooting, leaving one of the best bits of Half Life, and some great storytelling from Valve.

I was in shock by that ending. I love Dog, he has saved my life so many times. I love the way Valve build relationships between charachters, and that made the final scenes all the more distressing. But, is it definite that, he who is dead, is dead? I believe he must be. I wish there was some way of hoping he was not, but that would be living in denial. I just wish we could have had an uninterupted talk, so I could have found out what he knew about the G-Man.

Now I have a very tough choice. What was the best bit of The Orange Box. This choice, I will have to avoid, because my feeble mind cannot comprehend the answer.

My predictions for Episode 3, we will travel, by helecopter, to the Borealis, and to rescue Julia. The whole principle of the Borealis confuses me. What were Apeture attempting to do again? Something with portals, if I recall, which could be very appetising to stranded combine forces. I predict it will be in snow, and underground, and on the Borealis for much of the game, there will be a reason why we cannot fulfil our promise to Eli and destroy it straight away. I dont think Gordon will get the Portal Gun, although I think it may be involved, the same for Glados. And, am I the only one dissapointed by the fact that we havent seen Barney in ages? And will Odessa Cubbage return?

My hopes for Half Life 3 are different. I like the principle of one full game, followed be expanion episodes, which was been sucessful with both HL and HL2. I dont think Valve will abandon Gordon, he and Alyx will probably be put into stasis, or Alyx will have gotten older, I pray that we do not lose her.

I hope Valve build an entire new generation engine, Source II, and add all manner of new things. This, I predict, will not come until 2011, at the earliest, with Half Life 3 following soon after.

The is only one thing I don't want. NEVER SHOW THE SEVEN-HOUR WAR! If George Lucas has taught me anything, it is that climatic, world-shattering battles are often best left unseen. I do not want to be a rebelious citizen during that war. Please dont be stupid valve.
I lve you too much for you to let me down.

Now I have nothing to do but replay Ravenholm for a year-or-so. Oh-well. It could be worse...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

HL2: Ep2 - So Far...

(Limited Spoliers)

I have just done that bit of Half Life 2: Episode 2, that bit with those striders and those hunters.

Oh My God!

Valve have just created so many perfect moments, from the blind-tentacles and the marines in Half Life, to playing catch with Dog and Ravenholm in Half Life 2, to the Strider in Episode 1. They combine all these elements brilliantly in Ep 2. The fear of running from an unbeatable enemy, the vehicles, the gravity puzzles, the crouched-sneaking section, the Combine, the zombies, the section where you cannot touch the ground. Linking both drama and action, carrying each scene past bursting but keeping it feeling natural. I even cried at that opening bit with Alyx. And, argg! Hunters!

Valve have created the perfect game in Episode 2, and I have not finished yet. I am about 2/3 of the way through.

Oh My God!

(PS. "They Combine all these elements..." - best pun ever! I crack myself up!)